an open letter to bruno mars on healthy relationships


Dear Bruno, 

We don't really know each other very well; you came on the scene singing "Girl, you're amazing just the way you are," and I pretty much wrote you off for telling me what I already know, but your latest album is much more my tune. It's passionate and rockin'--two things you do really well. Locked Out of Heaven, easily your biggest hit off the album, is a great song. That is, until I really listened to your lyrics.

Unfortunately, you're sending a message that's totally off-key, and ultimately misguided. You sing "you're sex takes me to paradise," and I'm all, what a compliment, Bruno! But then you sing, "You make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven for too long." Are you saying that exercising my right to consent is somehow stifling you? Are you questioning my boundaries? While your feelings of wanting something and not having it readily available must be frustrating, there's absolutely a healthier way to express yourself. Ways that don't make me feel guilty for saying no, which is called sexual coercion.

For instance, you could use an I-Statement to help me better understand where you're coming from without making me responsible for your feelings. Something like "I felt rejected when you said you weren't in the mood because I felt unattractive to you," allows us both to talk about our feelings and intentions without stepping on each other's toes.

Instead of having to defend my boundaries, I can address the way you feel and we can come to a healthy, happy, and respectful conclusion. Open communication takes me to paradise, Bruno. You should try singing about that on your next album to really hear the ladies swoon!

xo Nicole

This letter is a part of a series in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

9 comments

  1. This is so awesome and you are so awesome! You should really become an advocacy counselor or initiate some sort of program that uses this letter-writing tactic as a teaching tool for students. You'd be so good at either!

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  2. Wow, this is brilliant. You're such an amazing writer! So excited to read more posts in the DVAM series, keep up the great work!

    Melissa
    theblushingdreamer.blogspot.com

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  3. This is an interesting perspective of this song. I'm loving your DVAM series already, though I think Bruno is one of the least likely celebrities to treat a woman wrong. He seems like too much of an old soul to be disrespectful and I'm sure the writer of this song, didn't mean it in the way you've taken the lyrics, but they should certainly be thinking about these things and the points you've made before just producing another catchy song with not the greatest message.

    -Chelsea
    chelsandthecity.blogspot.com

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  4. haha I love this and I love that you mentioned I statements. I have a post in my drafts waiting to be finished about them! Great gateway to honest and open communication!

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    1. i love that you know what an I statement is! i literally talk about them all day at my job. i wish everyone know how to use them. can't wait to read your post!

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  5. love this! you nailed it (maybe a bad choice of words?...). very well written Nicole.

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  6. Hey, I appreciate what you're doing, and I'm not even a huge Bruno Mars fan, but I'm just saying, the actual words are "you make me feel like I'VE BEEN locked out of heaven" as in I'm so happy I found you, not like quit denying me my right to your vagina.

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    1. thanks for sharing your opinion and pointing out the mistype (which i've corrected) regardless of whether he's singing "I'm" or "I've been," i still hear the message the same way and stand by what i've written.

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